I can't find a job so I am starting a blog.

Contemplating the Juris Doctor

In 2007, I was in the car business and I was unhappy about my career.  I fell into the car business while buying a car in Texas in 1991.  I had dropped out of an Experimental Psychology graduate program at the University of North Texas in Denton for a variety of reasons and I had gone to work at a Circuit City in Dallas.  I went to buy a car when the air conditioner on my worn out Toyota Tercel would not come on despite my pounding on the dash - a tactic which had always worked before.  They offered me a job at the end of the deal and I was so flattered I took it (a recurring theme).  I made $6000 my first month and I thought I was The Natural.  You can be a ne'er-do-well and do well enough in the car business and although I fell out of love with the business quickly, it paid the bills.  That is, it paid the bills when I applied my check to bills rather than to the exploration of altered states. I could never predict what was going to happen when I got paid.  After I stopped drinking, several years later, I moved into more responsible positions in car dealerships but I was never comfortable with the work.
 
Along about 2004, people I knew began dying at an alarming rate.  My friend Craig was one of the first and this period culiminated with my step-son and my father both dying in the same week of May, 2006.  I suspect that all this dying triggered the excessive ruminating on my own death that I did during this time. Sometime in early 2007, I specifically wondered how I would feel if I found out that I only had one month to live.  Although my life looked pretty good on the surface (sober 10 years, running marathons, beautiful teenage daughter, nice home, etc...)  during this time, I was terrified when I considered this prospect.   I was living a lie, at least  two-thirds of my life was past, I was definitely going to die at some point regardless, and  I was working in a job that I was ashamed of and not taking any real steps to change this.  From that point forward, I knew that my car business career was "dead to me now" and I scheduled a trip to NYC for my daughter and me while we still had an income. 

We saw Mary Poppins, Spring Awakening, A Chorus Line (all excellent) and a Mets/Yankees game at Yankee Stadium among other things.  I ran a 5 mile race on Father's Day in Central Park.  We stayed at a cool little hotel (The Pod Hotel) around 51st and 3rd and we rode the subway everywhere and walked in the neighborhoods.  While running along the East River early one morning I decided I was going to go to law school and move to New York City.  Just like that. 

I graduated from law school in December, 2010.  Some other things have and haven't happened. I'm still thinking about New York City.