It's Been Awhile

My wife asked me if I had abandoned the blog and it is a valid question and prompted my wondering the same thing, but no I haven't.  I got distracted.  A lot of things have been happening and I have been expressing myself in other ways.  It's time to get back to this way.

Harry Reid said today that Mitt Romney had "sullied" his Morman faith.  This is the same Democratic Senate Majority leader who announced from the floor of the Senate (because he has legal protection there) that Mitt Romney had not paid taxes in 10 years.  Democratic. Senate. Majority. Leader.  Let that sink in.  It says all I need to know about that tribe.

I saw the blown call last night.  Unions and strikes.  I ran to town earlier and listened to El Rushbo riffing on the the referee strike and he was laughing at the Sports Writers and Journalists.  Sports writers and journalists, like most journalists, are liberal and pro-union generally.  They don't like it when it effects them though.  They all send their kids to private schools, like most elite liberals, so they are big teacher's union supporters.  They believe there should be equal opportunity among fire fighters, among policeman...in the military.  Every profession should look like a cross-section of America.  Merit is irrelevant - except with NFL referrees.  I care.

On Saturday I started running in the woods of Nesbit Park in Bartlett, Tennessee with a target goal of 40 miles, a safety of 50k, and a reach of 50 miles.  At mile 24, I still felt pretty good.  I was hurting, particularly in my left calf, but it was manageable.  In the next few miles I was still definitely intending on going beyond the 31.1 mile option and doing the 40.  The way I felt, I had pretty much abandoned any thought of 50 miles by then.  When I reached the aid station, about 4.5 miles into the 7.5 mile loop, I had slowed about a minute a mile from when I ran that section on the prior three loops.  That didn't alarm me too much but when I started back running from the aid station I could hardly lift my left leg.  Ironically, my right leg with the ankle in a hard brace, felt fine (sprained in a cross country race 9 days before).  I knew I had slowed even more on the back part of the loop but when I came out of the woods and did the calculations, it was even worse than I thought.  At the Bartlett Ultras, you have the choice of running the 50k, 40 mile, or 50 mile race and you can make those decisions in the race.  You have to pick one when you register but you choose with the awareness that you can change your mind.  The smart people register for the 50k and then go on if they feel like it.  I registered for the 40 miler even though I knew I could stop at 50k.   I felt a little failure for opting out.  If I was going to DNF for 40 miles I would have gone on but I chose to live to fight another day, or more likely to fight  a sooner day.  I've taken three days off and will start back running tomorrow.  I'm in extreme retooling mode; the kind where I cut all my hair off, recommit to Yoga,  etc.

We've been visiting Broadmoor Baptist Church in Madison.  Over the years I have become less tolerant of watered down Christianity and suspected that my soul could only be filled by getting back to the real stuff.  It's kind of like when I was drinking.  I might mess around and drink a couple of six packs of beer to get things started but sooner or later, I have to get some whiskey.  I need to get a hold of something that will get down there and get the job done.  I'm ready to get the job done religiously.  I could elaborate on many things that I consider "watered down" but I will make this one statement for now.  Any Church that is preaching that abortion on demand is acceptable now that the United States has declared it legal with a seriously flawed 5-4 Supreme Court  decision, is a Church that I can not respect and will not attend.  And let me say that in my youth and a little beyond, I was involved in several abortions and deserve no mercy for my part in those decisions. I put some people in untenable positions and I take responsibility for doing that.  But a person can change, a person can grow up and accept responsibility and I have done that.  I won't allow my personal shame on that issue to cower me before anyone or any entity - political, religious, social, or otherwise.

So...as I was saying.  Broadmoor Baptist Church.  I felt the Holy Spirit there the first time I visited and every time since.  I've been to several churches over the last few years and never felt it.  If you know what I mean then you know what I mean.  Shelly and the children like it too and we will continue to explore if that is to be our new church home.

Random Thoughts

I finally got around to reading North Toward Home by Willie Morris.  I am not quite finished but he has made it to New York, the final section of the book.  Morris had an incredible intellect and talent.  I am struck by the similarity in writing and worldview between Morris and Hunter S. Thompson.  Morris is understated and Thompson overstated, but they are very similar at the core.  I think that surely they must have crossed paths.  

I love hanging out at the coffee shop on game days.  Today is particularly entertaining with the LSU fans in town and the ideal weather.  My perception is aided by my taking of a Mucinex-D which effects me to the point where I might as well be tripping on Windowpane Acid.

We saw Tower Heist last night and I haven't seen a movie I disliked more in a long time.  Eddie Murphy practically reprised his role of Billy Ray Valentine from Trading Places.  What a waste of talent that film is.  The audience was as bad as the movie and I felt the vibes when we entered the theatre. There was a threesome sitting to the left front of us.  The man got into it with the middle woman half way through the film and he left and came back several times, talking loudly and making vague threats.  They had huge buckets of popcorn and heavy coats and I knew they were going to be trouble.  Behind us was a young philosopher who commented to his girlfriend all through the movie and periodically bumped his foot into the back of my chair. I managed to restrain myself but it took a toll.  The people to the right front of us reeked of cigarette smoke and Shelly had to use her inhaler before we even got out of the previews.   It was a terrible audience, the worse one I have suffered through in a long time and I expect the whole experience took 10-15 days off my life. 

We are going to visit a Sunday School class tomorrow.  This will be the first time I have ever visited a Sunday School as one-half of a couple.  I am looking for religious; I'm sick of spiritual.

I was just speaking to a man from the coffee shop, another regular.  Kind of an odd ball like me.  We were talking about what we are reading etc. and as he started listing off the publications that he reads regularly I literally saw the horns sprouting up out of his head.   Intelligence is not a virtue; it took me a long time to realize that.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not nearly as smart as I thought I was,  that I am genetically less-than-average physically, and that I am sorely lacking in emotional maturity.  Not only am I inferior intellectually, physically, and emotionally but I am also poorly educated and a classic underachiever.  Fortunately, I have an elaborate and battle-tested denial mechanism that is second to no one's and this enables me to live in a virtual fantasy world where none of that is relevant.

I'm a Runner

I am a runner...again.  In 2001, I decided I was going to run a marathon and I started running with an eye toward that goal.  I have always been somewhat athletic but in the darker days, months, and years of my young adulthood, I had a hard time maintaining an exercise program.  In 1993, at 33 years old, I went off to Army Basic Training because, for one reason, I wanted to get back into shape and, for another reason, I figured it was smarter for me to get paid to get away from the juice for a few months rather than to pay someone for that privilege.  The point is, I've always aspired to fitness even when the demons conspired against me.

So I was going to run a marathon, but I didn't, not in 2001.  In 2001, I found out how running in the wrong kind of shoes can cause injury and how running on a steeply slanted road can hurt you on longer runs and how heat effects me when I run and a lot of stuff like that.  I kept getting injured and canceling races until I finally just stopped in December and took it easy for a month.  Toward the end of the month, I recommitted.

In January, 2002 I started running consistently and building up my mileage slowly.  I figured out the right shoes and training gear. I added track workouts and tempo runs to my weekly long runs.  I designed training plans and logged my runs online. In July, I started driving to Memphis to compete in the Memphis Runners Track Club race series that goes from July through November and I ran the race-a-month required.  We started with a 5k in Overton Park and ended with a half-marathon on Singleton Parkway, going up in race distance each month.  On December 7, 2002, a few weeks after celebrating my sixth year of sobriety, I stood at the starting line of  the Rocket City Marathon in Huntsville, Alabama.

Despite the bitter cold and strong winds, I had one of the most perfect moments of my life while standing at that start line.  It came to me that there was nowhere in the world I would rather be at that moment than right where I was. For that moment, I could not improve on my circumstances.  I was blinking back tears when the gun went off.  Every step after 20 miles was a new record for me and although I went out a little too fast, all in all, the race went well. 

In 2003, I ran the New York City Marathon and the next year, the Marine Corp in D.C.   I ran 1800-2000 miles a year during those years and did a lot of shorter races.  In 2007 I did a good bit of trail running before doing the Stump Jump 50k, a trail race on Signal Mountain in Chattanooga,TN and the only race I have done that is longer than a marathon. A month after Stump Jump, I completed  my seventh and final marathon,the Flying Monkey Marathon at Percy Warner Park in Nashville, TN.  Although I intended to run a marathon a year in law school, I just didn't make it to the line. 

I got in great running shape in my second year of law school in 2009 and I have no doubt I could have PRed at the marathon distance at the end of the year.  But, I had some nagging injuries and just not enough time to run as long in training as is required to get where I want to get before I commit to a marathon. See, I am not interested in just "doing" marathons; I like to run marathons as fast as I can.  And  "as fast as I can" is precisely what I mean.  Genetically, I am not set-up to be a front pack runner.  I accepted that long ago and I now compete against myself, sometimes using other runners as motivation.   If I don't reasonably feel ready to run as fast as my ability will let me, I don't line-up. While in law school, for a variety of reasons, I just couldn't get there. I did run three half-marathons in 2010, however, before finally slacking off.

Now I am about twenty-twenty five pounds heavier than my best running shape.  Not all of my gain is fat, there is some muscle under there because I have continued to mess with kettle bells and push-ups along with the occasional run or elliptical workout.  Regardless, I am heavier and I feel it when I run.  I am a good minute a mile slower on my easy runs and they are not all that easy.  This week, though, I started to feel a little spark on my runs.  I started to feel like I could maybe crank it up if I wanted to.  I wasn't feeling that at all for awhile.  This week I will run 22 miles total and next week I will go to 25 assuming there are no issues.  I run early in the morning and I have been looking forward to getting out there for the first time in a long time.  There have been cool mornings lately and there are cooler days coming.  It won't be long before the tights and gloves come out - My favorite time of the year.

I'm going to do 6ish in the a.m. and I am looking forward to it.  I'll start at the Square and head over to Molly Barr for some hills and then maybe run up University to Fraternity Row.  I like running across the campus on early mornings and especially on weekend mornings.  Tour de Ole Miss.  I'll run down the hill by the baseball field and turn up Old Taylor and back up the hill to Faulkner's house.  It will be flat after that and  I'll work my way back toward the Square, glide by the coffee shop (I always speed up when I run by the coffee shop) and finish at the Courthouse.  My third week back will be in the books and by tomorrow night I will be daydreaming about Monday morning.

I Opened An Office

I opened an office.  The truth is, this was not my first choice.  I intended to work for someone, hopefully to work for someone or some organization that would provide me with health benefits, mentoring, etc. but this did not happen.  For a variety of reasons this didn't happen although I was in the running for several of these situations.  I have a sneaking suspicion that this is what was supposed to happen all along. 

The search for an office was painless enough and I ended up coming back a week later and renting the first office I had looked at.  My new office is in a recently renovated office building that was previously a funeral home, a fact that I find oddly comforting. It's on the main Oxford thoroughfare and within two blocks of four of the courts in which I hope to focus my practice.  I have a receptionist on weekdays, a nice phone system, access to print-fax-copy services, and a lovely conference room at my disposal.

I worked the rental of a nice set of office furniture, abandoned by some unfortunate entrepreneur, into my lease agreement.  I am steadily adding supplies to my space and enjoying this. I have a Yellow Book ad in process and I am in various stages of negotiation with  local papers regarding the getting of my name out. My number one concern now, however, is the acquisition of an appropriate hat rack.  It will rarely hold hats but I will need it to hold jackets and ties and possibly the occasional umbrella.  It has to be the right kind of hat rack, not just any old rack will do.  Once the hat rack is in place, perfectly in place, I will deem myself ready for whatever the Justice Gods send my way.

I feel like an eleven year old boy walking into the carnival.

A Child Converts to Infinity

In spite of the horror, he can not turn away  

as the funnel forms over the drain.

He stays and watches every night.

Sliding the towel with his feet, he moves

to the sink where he stops and stills,

staring intently at the cup.

On the cup is a profile of a wolf who drinks

from a cup with the same profile.

And on and on; it never stops.

The euphoria rises as he sees forever,

calmly folding within himself,

certain that there can be no end.

Poems A Dead Boy Wrote

Last night was the final night of the Theatre Oxford production of A Streetcar Named Desire and Shelly and I were in attendance.  The babysitter arrived on cue at 6:15, giving us time to dine at Thai restaurant, Rice & Spice, one of our favorite spots.  I had the Red Curry with Tofu and my date had Pad Thai with Shrimp.  The first time I had Tofu, I was living in Martin, TN and in the same apartment building as a Japanese woman who occasionally made Won-Ton stuffed with Tofu along with some kind of Asian soup with the spongy curd.  She may have been Chinese...or Korean.  Anyway, I recognized the coolness factor of Tofu immediately and about once every 10 years, when I am at my most fraudulently hip (such as when attending a local theatre production),  I order something with Tofu.  Once every 10 years, I regret it.

The play started 10 minutes late and ran on about an hour too long.  Some of the blame for this must go to Tennessee Williams, the author whose Columbus, MS childhood porch I once sat upon, but most I assign to me, for being old and tired.  The actor (Alice Walker) who played Blanche DuBois did a fabulous job and the "Stella! Stella" of the earnest thespian (Gregory Earnest) with the impossible task of following Brando, was delivered admirably.  I haven't seen or read Streetcar in many years and I had forgotten how beautifully it is written.  Or maybe I am better able to appreciate it now that I am long of tooth and beaten. 

There are many memorable lines in the play but my favorite is Blanche's description of the yellowed letters kept in her trunk as "Poems a dead boy wrote."  I could live a whole year of my life powered merely on the beauty of that description.  As a matter of fact, I believe I will.

Move In Day in Oxford

Oxford has been filling up with people all week and today the crowd is peaking.  Yesterday at lunch, there were no parking places at the University Ave. Newk's and today it is like that all over town.  There are small packs of families prowling the sidewalks.  Many are of the conventional variety - husband and wife with a college age child and another younger child or two.  Others with just one parent, usually the Mother, or maybe just with the one child.   I wonder if they are the only child.

My daughter is driving from Humboldt with a friend and this will be, by far, the longest distance she has ever driven.  They will stay until Sunday.  This should be a good weekend for them with all the energy and excitement.  We will go out to dinner on their arrival and be prominently out and about the remainder of the weekend.  Breakfast at Big Bad Breakfast at some point; The Journey on Sunday morning. Hopefully the weekend will help motivate them for their respective senior years in high school.

I've had an interesting couple of weeks.  I spent three nights in the Smoky Mountains (see prior post), attended Shelly's 20th high school reunion (more later), took a day trip to West Tennessee to appraise the rental house my renters ran out on (She praised God on Facebook all the while), and aided in lots of Nicolas's activities.  Soccer practice, Tae Kwon Do, Allergy shots....I took him to get a shot yesterday and he informed the nurse that he had just completed his 11th day of First Grade.  On the job front, I spent several days putting together a packet for a job at the University and then the job was abruptly pulled from the website today as I was about to send it all in.  It appears they put it up the mandatory minimum; the fix was in as it so often is. 

On the other hand, I have been hired to do some contract work for a criminal defense attorney who knows his stuff.   I intended to approach him but he beat me to it and came to me instead.  We will be working on a post-conviction appeal which will probably necessitate my visit with our client in prison.  I have a feeling about this position and where it might lead.  That is, other than prison, where it might lead.

A larger pack just walked by the window of the coffee shop.  Four children in all, three boys and a girl, with the parents walking behind.  It looks like big sister will be staying in town.  The father, like so many of the fathers of the young girls, looks tense but resolved.  That's a look that I understand.